Carnivorous

About Carnivorous

We are an underground metal band out of the New Jersey/Philly area. One hundred Thousand Year AGO!! When dinosaurs roamed the earth, one such dinosaur, METALSAURUS- REX, birthed A duo of Alex and dean from the heat of his monstrous bowels!! Immediately following a meteor shower during nuclear winter, a time-space density continuum cleaved the universe in twain!! A black hole suckled Alex into the FUTURE ((expired link). 1996, also a great wine year for Merlot) and he ‘twas ejected from whom was now his MUM’s BUM!!!

Meanwhile, in 2069, King Joe the 79th reigned over the Bermuda triangle with an iron fist!! Tyrannical ruler of the pigmy ginger-haired tribe of midgets that inhabit the mountains of OOO – GAN –TU. Tragically, King Joe had a penchant for caffeinated beverages and plus sized pigmy ginger-haired midget whores!! While fornicating with one such pigmy ginger-haired midget whore weighing near 400 pounds, King Joe consumed 104 cups of coffee brewed in the wombs of the Snarffluficus, a giant yet cuddly beast domesticated by the pigmy ginger-haired midget tribe, causing him to thrust so violently and at such immeasurable speed that his pelvic undulations disrupted the rotations of planet earth, such that he was sent back in time to 1994 and backwards through the developmental process until he once again became but a sperm in his father testicles.

Meanwhile in 1996, somewhere over the rainbow, a unicorn queefed, and Lady Fugget was born! ::trumpets:: She was born with the voice of an angel and raised by cherubs in the garden of Eden. After 14 years of beautiful marriage, her cherub father admitted that he was a homosexual and divorced her cherub mother and moved to the East Village. She was forced to tend bar at a gay club. All of the second hand smoke and fumes from the Astroglide singed her vocal chords. As a result of this unfortunate, Astroglide related accident she can now only sing like your grandmother from Staten Island who wears leisure suits and smoked basics (unfiltered) for the past 40 years!!! but then she died and pooped out a baby named Dalton who would take over radical vocals!

Meanwhile, a rootin’ tootin’, womanizin’, landlovin’, gay shark bangin’, booty beatin’, oar swingin’, swashbuckin’, scallwaggin’, scurvy, mut, ass pirate, was stranded on Fire Island. 31 days earlier, he was forced to walk the plank after being found guilty of bone smuggling in epic (expired link) Tyler!!! His shipmates thought he would surely be swallowed by the sea. NAY!! His buoyant ball sack floated to the surface and he drifted away to be found by three heavily intoxicated members of Carnivorous , who embraced his bone… smuggling… and SO Carnivorous was formed!!!