WHAT AM I FEELING AT THIS TIME? THIS IS MY CORONA VIRUS EXPERIENCE I don’t know how to express my current feelings. They have been a mix of anxiety, frustration, anger, and fear. I will start by saying that I am battling Coronavirus myself. How did I get it? well, besides being a full-time artist I am also a dedicated and caring healthcare provider. I work as a physical therapist assistant in the community of Harlem in New York City. Since the pandemic started, I was very alert to the different manifestations of this disease in other countries and places throughout TV News and social media. When we finally had to confront this invisible enemy at work I knew we were not ready. However, my co-workers refused my inquiries stating we were much prepared in comparison with other hospitals, yet with time they would give me the reason due to the fact that we had an extraordinary spread of the corona virus rapidly in our site of work. I recognized I was very anxious and almost terrorized. We did not have the proper supplies, precautions and training to take care of our already sick patients. We, the employees in our department did not have the acknowledgement in how to reduce our own stress, anxiety and fears. We were only required to show up on time to do our job. Coming to work became an slavering and intimidating task for me to do everyday. Taking the subway filled with people that could be contaminated along with the majority of homeless and mental sick individuals who contributed to my everyday ride made a very difficult and a disgusting situation to endure. I knew I was alone. My co-workers and I did not have any orientation to confront COVID 19. No meetings, no suggestions, no advise was provided to us before this pandemic started soaring with death in our hospital. I had to find answers on my own, including how to properly use a PPE so I would not get infected. We were asked to use the same mask for 5 days plus and then secure it in a brown bag because there was not more supplies available for us to treat COVID patients, and seeing the boss acting normal like any other day, with no words of empathy made me feel mad. After 3 plus weeks a meeting was held to ask us if we had any concerns or questions.. I thought it was too late to ask. Nothing new was added to the burden of fear and uncertainty I already had and as much protection and safety I performed, I still got infected. Due to the lack of supplies we were supposed not to see the critically ill patients, only the suspicious ones, still I could get infected by any of them or maybe from any of my asymptomatic co-workers who could be carriers. Passing by some isolated COVID-19 patients’ rooms with no respirators, submitted in loneliness and surrounded by the silent death made me feel depressed. One Saturday, at home, I started sneezing like crazy, with itchy eyes and stuffing nose. I thought it was a common cold. However, followed those symptoms I had excruciating headaches that I thought I was having a stroke followed by fever of 100 plus. My body ached all over so my concern was to reduce the fever. I tried everything and any home remedy I could find, teas, soups, OTC drugs, followed by fresh showers including exercise. These trials helped me for some hours but they will come again and I would repeat the same method again and again. The headaches lasted for 3-4 days. The fever will come and goes every other day. I lost the sense of smell and taste. The water tastes bitter to me and I also lost my appetite. On top of this, my anxiety and fear was even more intense by not knowing the results of the test which I already have done since I started with these symptoms. As you could see, it has not been an easy time for for me with the corona virus. I only pray and give thanks to my God that I was fighting and winning this war with my faith in Him. Everyday I pray for my co- workers and friends who are in front of the line of fire such as the nurses, respiratory therapists, and physical therapists by helping our sick people in our community risking their lives with little supplies provided to combat this pandemic. It’s already six days, and I’m still waiting for the results to know if im positive or negative. I don’t’ know why we don have faster test methods specially for the healthcare providers who need to know how are their health state in order to continue providing service to our people in the community. In the meantime, I’m isolated myself at home as much as I can so my daughters and husband don’t get infected. I try to put a “good” face in the mist of these circumstances so they don’t get worry about it, but I’m still filled with uncertainty not knowing the results about being positive or negative in reference to this invisible enemy. Last night, I felt my Lord Jesus answered me, and I know he healed me. This I believe in faith. I know He cannot let me down. He knows what is truly in my hearth and that is to give love through music, arts, motivation. We all are called to make changes, positive changes in our lives for his glory. I will continue searching to find the True in Him. In the meantime, I will continue waiting for those results praying my coworkers and friends are safe every time they have to leave home to serve our people. In these precise moments I know that nothing is going to be the same after the corona virus epidemic passes. For this, we must be ready for what it is yet to come. Thanks my warriors for your time. Chae UPDATE: GOD WAS MERCIFUL TO ME. Although I got worse with my COVID-19 situation I SURVIVED IT. I RETURNED TO WORK AFTER MONTH AND A HALF AFTER MY BATTLE. NOW I’M CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY THIS UPCOMING SATURDAY, FEB 13TH, 8 PM on CHAE on Fire Facebook page Let’s get together to sing and praise God for his mercy. ALL ARE WELCOME Thanks my warriors Chae