Been away for a while. Nowhere nice nowhere good. Been lost and broken for so long, Depression plays a part in so many lives and has many levels and forms. I'm so so thankful to the few people who have had my back, been there and understood that the broken shatterd sole is not who I wanted to be, but who I had become because of a simple chemical imbalance in my brain. It's so easy to take the piss or call someone a miserable attention seeking bastard or whatever.... but I ask all my friends to at least try and understand. Imagine waking up everyday for a few years and feeling worthless, shatterd, broken, lost and so down, to make things worse u don't know why then get so mad at yourself and tell yourself that there's so many people worse off than u, but u just can't get right.... you question everything, is this fate is it karma for the things I done wrong in the past........ I deserve to feel this way!!!. But you carry on with your day putting on a front, hiding how u feel from everyone, being a joker being a clown trying to make everyone u come across smile because ud hate for anyone else to feel how u do..... after time the front you put on for people wares u down leaving u permanently exausted... The more tired u feel the harder the front becomes until you burst, feeling more shattered more broken and lost to the point of cutting the whole world off and losing all apitite, I went from 11st 7 to 9st 5 in a matter of weeks n found it so hard to keep my patience even with the smallest of things. I lost count of the times I'd break down and just wanna be the old me again, times got dark, thoughts of suicide seem rational, like you'd be doing your family n loved ones a favour if u weren't around, knowing that one simple act could end all the pain all the emptiness and self hatred but the Truth is its those people that are the reason I'm still here, after years of Dr's visits and various medications and counciling I'm getting there slowly and simply taking 1 day at a time.... ups n downs smiles n frowns n all that shit???? I'm one of the lucky ones, I have people who love me, people that I know I can count on to understand, always be there, and never judge me, people I simply cannot thank enough EVER. (They know who they are) ???? Some people have no one or think they have no one, a simple understanding ear can go a long way. This is just a quick break down of where I've been, and doesn't cover anything close to a full picture, some will relate some will judge simply because it's easy to judge rather than sort out their own lives.... but just remember you never know people's full story until they let you. The difference is I'm not scared anymore, I suffer from a mental illness that can be managed and I will get there! And I promise to always be here for anyone who needs an understanding friendly ear, could u please do the same? Ya never know who's life you just saved. Xx I'm currently back in the studio working on an album of original material so keep ya ears peeled my lovelies x